Feb 12

Gone, but not forgotten kind of wind….

Tonight I am watching Gone With The Wind.  All 4 hours of it.

There’s a dang Intermission in the movie.  I forgot about that…… that movies used to have Intermissions…. especially the 240 minute variety.

At any rate,  Scarlett O’hara has one stinking bad day after another in this film.   I’ve seen her slap 3 people so far.  Hauls off and slaps them hard in the face.  And just now, she shot a man.  Point blank.  That’s some temper she’s got there.  She ought to try decaf.

My favorite character is Mammy.

Some of those winds still blow around down here, I’ll tell you.  Not gone at all.

(P.S.  It’s all connected.  Every stitch of this world.  Tara spelled backward is…..)

Feb 11

Illuminating….

Today is a birthday coincidence phenomenon if I’ve ever, ever seen one.   This, my friends, is Thomas Alva Edison’s birthday (1847), the brilliant inventor of such things as the phonograph, the telegraph, the electric lightbulb, and on and on.  The dude has more than 1900 patents overall.  Unfortunately, Edison had some failures too…. like the Edison Portland Cement Company, in which he wanted to make everything, from cabinets to pianos to houses, out of cement.   The idea crumbled.  One of his earliest inventions was the Ginger Press.  Unfortunately, not everyone had the same appreciation for ginger as Tommy did… a huge flop and a bit of an embarrassment for the entire Edison family, needless to say.

OK……first coincidence….. today is Tina Louise’s birthday too (1934).  She played Ginger on Gilligan’s Island.  (Remember Edison had the failed GINGER Press?)  On that very island…… was Ginger’s best friend…. who’s name was Mary Ann.   (Another kicker, Edison’s his first wife’s name was Mary Ann….. and HE was a Professor!!!)  Next thing I might dig up is that he once went on a 3 hour boat ride… with Jimmy Hoffa or something.

And…. today is also R&B singer “Brandy’s” birthday (1979).  Of course, one of her biggest hits was “I Can Feel The Electricity” (obvious Edison connection) AND “Alone On This Island” (Tina Louise connection).  Da-da-da-duuuuuuuuhhhhnnnnnnn….. and both Thomas and Tina DRANK Brandy from time to time!  Holy Crap-er-roonies!  What kind of sensational coincidence is this???

And now…. the biggie.  This is also Sarah Palin’s birthday.  First connection… she is definitely a shipwreck waiting to happen.  Second…. the lights are on, but nobody’s home.  Third…. I’m pretty sure she’s hopped up on Brandy most of the time.

Final coincidence. People think I live on Edison Road, which I do not.   I loved Gilligan’s Island.   I had a cat named Brandy.   I think Sarah Palin has cement for brains.

Feb 10

Your genetic susceptibility….

Shake it baby.  Shake it.

A recent study shows that too much salt in your diet can result in higher levels of sodium and blah, blah, blah, blllloooey, blay, blah, blub……blah, blah.  The Salt Police.

Well here’s the deal.  I’ve been doing some studying of my own.  I have found that people who conduct studies seem to have too much money and way too much time on their hands.  The findings seem to be factitious and fickle.  “Recent Studies” have told us that we shouldn’t each chocolate, then we should.  Wait, just dark chocolate.  Coffee’s no good for you either.  Well, now it is.  Now it’s not. Now it is.  How about wine drinkers?  Now you can have it.  Now you can’t. Hang on….. just the Red Wine.  Hmmmm…. now we think the White is okey-dokey.   There’s more dang volleying going on in these studies than at Wimbledon in June.

Carbs are under the gun recently.  Well, I like my white pasty food with lots of salt on it.  That’s what MY study shows.  Frankly, I am tired of these studies.  There was one recently that reported “wearing deodorant will increase your risk for Alzheimer’s Disease.”  Then do you know what happened?  For about a year, a lot of people had stupendous body odor, and seemed to be forgetting as much as ever.  Thankfully, a new study came out saying, that in fact, deodorant has no direct correlation with anything except preventing stinky pits.  Thank you Study People.

We have become slaves to these studies.  I say study amongst yourselves.    That is my piece of wisdom for tonight.  Go forth and study………… eat your red meat if you like it, your ketchup with the high fructose corn syrup,  and even a hot fudge sundae now and again.   Exercise 5 to 6 times a week for 30 minutes a day…… or don’t.   We all know what we are supposed to do, in our heart of hearts.   I think……..we are supposed to make the world a better place……that is what my study has shown, I think.

But it will go on and on.   I just Googled Recent Study and here was one of the top hits:  I am NOT making this up:

Mouse Study Suggests New Clues to Celiac Disease
Retinoic acid might spur digestive disorder in those with genetic susceptibility

Who the hell knew?

I don’t know what Retinoic Acid is…. but I MISS IT dearly…………………… already.

Feb 09

Mickey… he ain’t.

Everybody loves Mickey Mouse.  Most everyone I know at least.   I like the little fella’ too.  But people aren’t so crazy about rats.  Take Ralph Rat here.

I found him dead.  Dead as a doornail.  Stiff as a board.   Heart attack?  Car accident?  Old age.  I  thhhhhiiiinnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkk  nnnnnaaahhhhhtttttttttt…….

No.  This rat died of suspicious causes.   For one, Ralph was in great shape.  He cut cheese out of his diet years ago, and was running on the wheel everyday.  No heart attack.  And…. because he was so fit, Ralph walked everywhere he went.  That rules out car crash.  To continue…….Certainly NOT old age.  He was only .2 years old.  That’s 25 in human years.    So how, exactly,  did old Ralph kick the can?

I think it was poison.  Yes. Poison.  Near the body was a cupcake with blue sprinkles.  I think we all might suspect what those blue sprinkles were.  Rid-O-Rat is blue pellet-ish.  Yessssirrreeee.  This is sad indeed.  Ralph had a wife and 64 kids back at the hole.  He had a great job down at the maze.    Now the trouble lies with finding the perpetrator of this crime.  The “perp” as we say in the crime fighting business…..

….. and I smell a rat… or mean-spirited Baker with a grudge.

Feb 08

No Capes…..

Seeing the  Little-Kid-Darth-Vader commercial on Super Bowl Sunday brought back some childhood memories for me.  My sister and I always used to play Super Hero “Something” when we were little.

I was always the “lesser” Super Hero, because I was younger and smaller, and that’s just how things go when you are kids.   We pretended to be everyone from Hercules to Aquaman.  But our “go-to-crime-fighting-duo”  always fell back to Batman and Robin.  Yeah, we’d put on our little tights, and t-shirts.  Then we’d take big ol’ safety pins from Mom’s sewing room, and attach towels around our necks.  (That was thinking, I’ll tell you….)

We leaped tall buildings daily, and were faster than most speeding bullets.  But I always, always, always, had to be Robin.  Looking back, it was the logical fit.  My sister would stand there with her hands on her hips, all big and tall, and quite Batman-esque.   And I would go around, hitting my fist in my hand, and would say things like “Holy Catfish” and “You’re a blot on the name of Gotham City!”…. ….  …….“We caught you with your feathers down.”……. or  “Holy Hot Fudge Sundaes.” Mostly “Holy” something or others.    It carried over to adulthood I’ll tell you.

…… yes…. all of it.

….. the tights…. the towel around the neck……

….running right into tall buildings….

“Holy Brick Buildings Batman.”  “Holy Steeples.”