I can remember when I first heard about the internet. The concept was a little overwhelming for me initially. The “world wide web”, they called it. The Information Superhighway. There was a clip this morning on the Today Show of Katie Couric and Bryant Gumbel discussing this new thing called the internet. Hilarious.
We’ve come a long way since then, I’ll tell you. We are immersed in “online” everything: social networking, email, texting, blogs, business, entertainment, email…. heaven forbid….. blogs! We are wired. Maybe too wired. People have begun the migration away from books and newspapers. Kids don’t know how to read or write cursive anymore. (Many have trouble spelling. U no what i meen?) There’s even an app now that will take a text message and convert it to an audio clip, so you can literally hear it on your cellular device.
Years ago, that was known as an actual phone call. One ringy-dingy. Call me.
If they were true friends, they’d let her know that her breathe smells like cat butt. Which it does……… And for good reason.
I think the dog on the right is letting Frances know just how crappy it is. His name is Axel. Pretty good dog, but he can’t control his gag reflex….. as you can clearly see. The other one is named Brian O’ Malley. He thinks he’s an Irish Setter, just because of his name. Truth of the matter, his mother is a Golden Retriever, and he never knew is dad. In fact, his mother isn’t even sure….. however, Brian continues to run around the dog park, all smug, making up stories about good old Ireland, the homeland. He told Frances her breathe smelled like cabbage. (That is also a possibility.) Frances and Axel keep telling Brian he’s not an Irish Setter…. yet he continues to purport his Gaelic Ancestry.
But true friends will tell you these things… like…… well…… like……
“Lisa. That U.S Quarter you gave me and said it was a Grand Cayman Islands Edition Quarter?…… That wouldn’t be quite right on a U.S. Coin, would it?….. I think it is from the GRAND CANYON…….” Maybe….just maybe….
Some days are jam-packed, smack-dabbin’ full. Today was one of those days….
I kicked around all day with friends. We saw and did some extraordinary things. We met a woman who was smoking crack. Well, really, she was just sunning her own crack because she was wearing exceptionally form-fitting plumber pants….hence exposing “said crack” to the high beams of the mid-day. We tag-teamed blogged about it too…. but I can’t post most of the things that were said, because, as you all know, this movie is Rated G, for the Goodiest of Two-Shoes. We discoverd a mystery dead bird. We sat next to a guy who ordered, and ate, a Fred-Flintstone-Sized steak. He went on to summons the waiter for dessert. We saw a $30 pile of cow poop….. not to mention some pretty expensive dinosaur dung. So very much transpired, in a relatively short period of time. These are just a few of my favorite things…… about this day.
Then, there were the Ugg Boots and Mini-Shorts…. everywhere. Which brings to mind the great quote by Samuel Johnson:
“Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those who we cannot resemble.”
I always sort of knew what it meant. I’ve even felt like I’ve been there on occasion, between a rock and a hard place. But I see, now, that such places actually exist in physical space, not just metaphorical space. I’m not sure I can post a picture here, of where the sun don’t shine…..
We all have different likes and dislikes, don’t we? I mean what I think is cool, or beautiful, or nice, or funny, may be something very different for someone else. You, or you, may have an entirely different viewpoint on the exact same item, or topic, or idea. Take my sock-monkey-winter-hat, for example. I love that thing. But the other day, I was wearing it, and someone passed me on the street…. and as she walked by, I heard her say…..”Ooooohhhh. That’s so sad…….” My guess is, they thought I was “out” on some sort of pass, or something….
Or how about Car No. 56 here. I probably wouldn’t have chosen to paint a 56 on the side of my convertible. I like the number well enough. I met a Cow #56 once. But if I painted any number on the side of my car (which probably would not be a blue convertible to begin with….) I’d paint a number seven, I think. Or an eight. I’d paint it green or orange, but not yellow.
So there you have it. THAT, is what makes the world go ’round. (Well, really it is the Conservation of Angular Momentum…. or maybe it is love….. but that is for another post.)
There are a lot of phrases out there, and “sayings” that people toss around. Some they even claim to “live” by.
“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
“Not worth a plugged nickel.” Those are all worth comparisons….. and there are many more.. not worth mentioning.
But what the heck… I’ll continue. People then go all crazy for them, like “feathering their nests” and “stealing someone’s thunder.” They’ll “cast the first stone”… “do things by the seat of their pants”….. “turn over a new leaf”…. and on occasion, even “pull some strings.” They can be “on the ball”…”on the wagon”….. or even “on the warpath.”
I could go on for days….. but I’ll put a cork in it now. But is any of this ringing a bell?
Okay, finally, the one that scared me… horribly….. when I was a child:
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” (Probably because someone let it out of the gosh-darn bag.)
You know, a little bird told me that this episode has gone to the dogs.
That’s the tail end of this, I’ll tell you. Over and out.
I’ve always wanted to drive a bulldozer. Just once. Wear a cute little blue hat and a red kerchief around my neck. Push some dirt around. Move the earth. “I feel the earth, move… under my feet. I feel the pie crumblin’ clown… the crumblin’ clown.”
But when I was little, I took a No-Doze pill. It appears the effects were long-lasting. Even now, I don’t drive a bulldozer…. and I stay up late at night. Appears it impacts your ability to recount song lyrics correctly.
“Nobody Doze the Trouble I’ve Seen….. ”
And since we are on the topic of breaking out of the box… I am thinking of new ideas and names for the Continuum, or Round Two, of this Project. Since 372 is almost up….. a new project must begin. Any ideas? Anyone? Anyone?
…..aaannnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddd…… another thing I might do is add some other sections, like the one I am trying out here, called “Mirth”. From time to time, people send me fun things, good fun things…. and I’d like to share them with you. Like crumbling clowns and such.
Well, you know it happens. I mean, we’ve all heard the stories, we’ve seen it on the news…… for crying out loud, they even make entire cartoon episodes about it. People have written countless jokes, and it has become the poster-child for the “accidental” occurrences in life. But how often do you ACTUALLY see it?
In all my years, I never had. Not once. But today, on the way home from a nice walk with Max and Fritz, I had a sighting. The legendary banana peel on the sidewalk. Hell, I nearly slipped and fell on the thing.
I ran all the way home with the dogs, grabbed my camera, and doubled-back to record the proof. By the time I returned, three clowns had fallen prey to this thing. They were sprawled everywhere on the sidewalk. (Should never have gotten out their little clown car. What a bunch of bozos.) I could almost hear that peel goading them……“Have a nice trip. See you next fall.” What an exciting and proud moment that was for me…. to have witnessed such an epic event as this. No joke.
My quest today was to find and shoot things that were black and gold. This was one of the few things I found…. there were street signs…. caution tape…not much else. Why black and gold? Because I was hoping the Pittsburgh Steelers would beat the NY Jets tonight and head to the Super Bowl. Which they did, and they are. Now I sit here wondering why school buses are black and gold.
I never really had to ride a school bus. Not really. In grade school, we walked most of the time. But when the weather was all crappy…. like pouring down rain or something….. we’d pile into the family station wagon and Mom would take us.
In high school, I had to ride the RTA. Regional Transit Authority. (It was green and white, like the NY Jets.) All the way downtown, with every other commuter in the world, every day, I rode. I saw some crazy-go-nuts things on the old Number Seven Route, I’ll tell you. I had a bus pass. Most people had to put change in the R2D2 at the front of the bus if they wanted a ride. Maybe, instead of the book “What Color is Your Parachute?” I shall write one called “What Color was Your School Bus?”
That’s all I’m going to say about that. And… Go Steelers.
Some people “scare” easier than others. And it is funny too, what may scare me, may not scare you. Aaaaaannnnnndddddd…… our fears change. Take spiders for instance. I used to be deathly afraid of them. I still know lots of people who are. Now, I can pick one up and look it in the eyes. They’ll bite you. Or how about lizards. I fear them not…. but once I used to. Flying. Same thing. Maybe I’m just getting older, and my senses are dulling. My senses are dulling………..Fact.
Certain movies scare me. I was watching one tonight, and I got the heebie-jeebies. Had to turn to The Smurfs.
The Chicago Film Critics Association has compiled a list of the top 100 Scariest Movies of All Time. I reprint the first 50 here for you.
2. “The Exorcist”
5. “Night of the Living Dead (1968)”
7. “The Shining”
8. “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)”
9. “Dawn of the Dead (1978)”
10. “Rosemary’s Baby”
11. “The Silence of the Lambs”
12. “The Blair Witch Project”
14. “Frankenstein (1931)”
15. “Nightmare on Elm Street”
16. “Carrie (1976)”
17. “The Thing (1982)”
18. “Bride of Frankenstein”
19. “The Haunting (1963)”
22. “Wait Until Dark”
23. “The Birds”
24. “Don’t Look Now”
25. “Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn”
26. “The Innocents”
27. “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer”
29. “Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)”
30. “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, (1921)”
31. “The Omen (1976)”
32. “The Fly (1986)”
34. “The Re-Animator”
35. “The Sixth Sense”
36. “The Ring (2002)”
37. “The Evil Dead”
38. “Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde (1933)”
39. “The Hitcher”
40. “Near Dark”
41. “Dracula (1931)”
42. “Vampyr (1932)”
46. “Creature from the Black Lagoon”
47. “Session 9”
48. “Nosferatu the Vampyre”
49. “Black Christmas”
50. “When a Stranger Calls”