How in the world did wives get tails? This was quite the visual for me when I was a little kid. I thought, one day I was going to wake up, go down to breakfast, and my Mom would be standing with her back to me at the stove…. all clad in some hairy beast of a tail. This frightened me to no end. I can’t even begin to tell you.
Another that troubled me was “Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.” This was just confusing to me. Any monkey? A particular monkey? If you are going to be the uncle of a monkey, it must mean that one of your siblings gave birth to a monkey. Again, this was quite disconcerting. Mainly because my Dad would say it from time to time. I wasn’t quite sure what that indicated about me.
Of course, I became quite unhinged, whenever I heard that someone had a frog in his throat. The very first time I ‘got wind of this’… I nearly threw up. I became desensitized the more I was exposed to it.
Go figure, but I heard this one a lot…. “Now you just hold your horses young lady.” Goodness. What are these adults talking about? I didn’t have horses. If I did, how in the heck would you hold one…. like a cat, I presume? They are huge. I couldn’t figure it. Not for the life of me.
Now, I am not sure why…. but no one ever said this next one directly to me. However, I heard it aimed at a lot of my friends. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” What the heck does this mean? How in the world would a cat get anyone’s tongue? That’s just… just… gross. To this day…..
These were just a few of my misunderstandings when I was a child.
But tonight…. we’ve really been on a roll, haven’t we? Yep, Now we are cooking with Crisco. Or… maybe I am sounding like a broken record. Could be right now, you think I am as dumb as a box of rocks. Or as sharp as a basketball. Needless to say… the writing is on the wall. Or the screen. I guess I better just turn over a new leaf. Or the early bird may get that worm.