Some days… you wake up with a spring in your step… a song on the tip of your tongue… that happy-go-lucky tattoo on your chest…. footloose-and-fancy-free.
There are other days when you feel like a truck just ran over you… the weight of the world landed on your shoulders while you slept… a rain cloud is giving you the tail.
Yes, well…. this morning was NOT either one of those mornings. It fell somewhere in between.
So as I ventured out… I had neither high expectations… nor suspicions of unpromising events.
Two hours later….
As I left Marsh Supermarket, I was nearly run over by a blonde woman, with bright red fingernails, in a two-ton SUV…. working her digits wildly on her cell phone…. sending off that extremely important text message. My guess is… it probably read something like… “OMG AWHFY u BAC… !?”
As she put her hand up to her mouth in an apologetic gesture… the four of us on Marsh’s walkway gave her the “You’re Number ONE sign”…. and guess what….
She went right back to texting. It is hard for me to believe that she beat out 100,000 other sperm….. some thirty years ago.
I am thinking, when her IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
So back at the ranch, I began to unload the groceries. I left the back door wide open. It was a nice morning. I wanted to let the cool breezes in.
Yowza. That’s not all I let in.
As I unloaded my grocery items: A wap, wap, wap… whooshes by my head. And then THUNK. A small bird landed its beak squarely against the bank of windows in our living room.
Oh. Down but not out. As I approached that stunned little bird… Look OUT! UP… and RIGHT AT ME AGAIN…. a few more laps around the house… the dogs barking in absolute delight… and TWACK… into the face of the microwave oven. I grabbed a kitchen towel… blanketed that little kamikaze, and moved her outside. I don’t know who’s heart was beating faster.
She was fine. So was I.
The moral of the story… if your day gives you a turn or two… remember these things:
When you see a distracted blonde woman leave the tattoo parlor … you can bet she has TROUBLE written all over her.
If an angry bird lands on a door knob….. it will most likely fly off the handle.
“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” – M. Twain
“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us.” – A. Montagu
Published by